The first team has been going from strength to strength recently, and the heady heights (or maybe the stomachy middles) of the third division are now beckoning in earnest.

Last Thursday night was particularly good. First of all Paul neatly sidestepped all of the boring middle- and end-game nonsense by agreeing a draw shortly after shaking hands. Then Eddie tried to demonstrate to his opponent that a King and a Rook can mate a King and a Knight when the latter two are together. Three thousand moves later he reluctantly agreed a draw. Ray, having stolen a pawn early in the game, pressed this advantage in his relentless Rayish way all the way to the end to take a good victory. And then it was all down to Jim.

By the end of the game both Jim and his opponent were down to minutes on the clock, and had delegated the task of writing down the moves to scribes who could barely keep up with the flurry of moves. In the end it was Jim who took the victory: in part due to possession of the superior chess brain, in part because he was somewhat better at remembering to hit the clock after his moves. Jim's victory dance - some kind of Maori haka performed on the table - was perhaps a little over the top, but forgiveable given the tension of the ending.

But the firsts, who really cares about the firsts? The second team is where the true human drama is to be found. And on Tuesday night thise drama was played out to a most satisfactory denouement.

The night began with new boy Shaun getting off to a good start due to his recent purchase of Openings For Dummies. Sadly it went downhill for him from there, so purchases of Middle Games and End Games for Dummies are probably in order. Peter executed a fantastic and quick victory, which left things down to late stand-in Arthur and myself. When I managed to squander the two pawn advantage that I'd worked for, by sending them off on ill-advised suicide missions, the game reduced to a draw. This then left Arthur to bring home the two points, which he did when time pressure caused his opponent to explode. Figuratively, anyway. And then we all went home for supper.

There's not a lot to report, really. While a few games have been played, quite a lot of other have got cancelled due to weather or disinclination or gloom of night. We seem to have lost the tempo to life, which after our gleeful opening sallies last year has bogged us down with some negative play. Hopefully we'll be able to engage on some interesting lines in the coming weeks.

In terms of club nights, we have been playing a 'handicap' tournament, in which players with relatively higher rankings start with fewer pieces, according to an arcane formula. This has been quite interesting - however, since a number of us newcomers started off on artifically low rankings, and the tournament rules require us to use the start-of-season rankings, some of us have been given rather too great an advantage.

Oh, and a big thank-you to Jim Cowley for talking us all through his last game at the last club night. This kind of learning experience is invaluable for us relative newbies.

First off, a big hello to our migratory member John Walker! John flies south for the winter, but likes to keep up-to-date with all the affairs of the chess club, so I have finally stirred myself to update the second team news. The first team played yesterday but as yet I have heard nothing official about it (a quick perusal of the Leicestershire and Rutland Chess Association suggests that this is because they got hammered, but as I said, I've heard nothing).

On the 5th of January the second team hosted Braunstone 5ths. Your friendly neighbourhood webmaster - who sometimes likes to talk about himself in the third person - was taken aback to see that his opponent was his lone nemesis from the away leg. But El Webmasterino - whose choice of pseudonyms shows clearly that he is one sad individual - bravely kept moving the pieces and when he was gifted a knight, for no apparent reason, accepted it with a glad heart, and eventually took the win. Unfortunately his colleagues weren't in receipt of such largesse, and we ended up going down 3-1.

And then on the 17th January we travelled, on a bitterly cold night, to Syston, to take on Syston 3. This time your webmaster was gifted two pieces in quick succession and accepted them with no hint of shame to record a win. Wins then followed for Scott - and the important thing about that is that a win's a win, even if your opponent is playing past his bedtime - and, after a mammoth session, for Pete.

Jim, sadly, got lured into the dark seductive embrace of the wrong pawn and couldn't complete the whitewash. But still, a second win for the second team was enough for us to all do a conga back to our respective homes.

A bit of a roundup is in order, since I've been concentrating on Christmas presents recently and haven't done my weekly duties.

Well, it turned out that the second team game on the 30th of November was a bit of a disaster, probably due to the absence of their charismatic board two anchor. Ahem.

But then the first team game on 8th December consolidated our status as division four champions. Much rejoicing.

And then came the second team match on the 15th December, a real bottom-of-the-table scrap against Heathcote Arms 3. The match started oddly, in that the opposition turned up with six players, presumably trying to overwhelm us by sheer numbers. Sadly for them, this meant that we were able to conscript club champion Jim 'Gambit' Cowley on board one.

The match then continued oddly, with almost all of the Kirby Castlers falling behind immediately. Now, there are a number of well-known opening priciples: don't move the same piece twice; don't bring out the queen too early; etc. But the one that we somehow overlooked was this: don't start like a small child who has never seen a chess board before.

But then, somehow, Lazarus-style, like a phoenix from the flames, that may be too many similes, we came back to win 5-1. Amazing stuff. Jim Kellog was so excited by the end that he declared he was going to strip naked and dance a dance of rejoicing. At which point we all left.

Except Ray.

A belated congratulations to the first team for getting another win, this time at home against Wigston 5. We are now at the top of the table with two points and a game in hand against our nearest rivals.

The first team travelled away to Ray's old club to play Wigston 5th team. Wigston had requested a fifth board to blood one of their newcomers, so Webmaster Ewan came along to play the same role.

Jim and Paul rapidly achieved drawn games, and gentleman-chestler Ray agreed a draw despite his opponent's clock teetering on the edge of time. This left John to confirm the victory, and he seemed well ahead after employing the 'apple gambit' (loudly and insouciantly crunching an apple at important moments). But then a slight miscalculation and it was checkmate out of the blue to his opponent.

Luckily, often-hapless novice Ewan had somehow managed to save the day by beating his neophyte counterpart, thus salvaging a draw for the unlucky firsts and keeping them pinned to the top of the table. Hooray!